I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize