aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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