He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize