I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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