am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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