Texts From Last Night

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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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  (848): life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward. http://tfl.nu/gey7
  Replies (10) Good night (936) Bad night (2848) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

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  (503): I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight. http://tfl.nu/6osy
  Replies (37) Good night (5560) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
  Replies (21) Good night (5593) Bad night (1151)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

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  (585): Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven. http://tfl.nu/xlkq
  Replies (9) Good night (6190) Bad night (891)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

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  (505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w
  Replies (12) Good night (721) Bad night (2364) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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  (619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0
  Replies (20) Good night (3333) Bad night (1590) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

  (416): View more from Toronto

  But that's half the fun of it

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  (647): Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics (416): But that's half the fun of it http://tfl.nu/vf29
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (579)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants

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  (231): the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants http://tfl.nu/ctb5
  Replies (4) Good night (1664) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  well in DOG beers, i've only had one

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  (717): well in DOG beers, i've only had one http://tfl.nu/2mnf
  Replies (20) Good night (5305) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.

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  (530): I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did. http://tfl.nu/hz33
  Replies (4) Good night (1666) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.

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  (717): Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control. http://tfl.nu/b7dz
  Replies (6) Good night (2094) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.

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  (270): Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together. http://tfl.nu/2jfm
  Replies (7) Good night (2135) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
  Replies (11) Good night (1919) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time

  (917): View more from New York City

  An adult?

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  (516): Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time (917): An adult? http://tfl.nu/ka62
  Replies (3) Good night (1174) Bad night (195)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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  (660): hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv? (816): yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward http://tfl.nu/dn5c
  Replies (12) Good night (1192) Bad night (184)

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