thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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