you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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