STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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