i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize