; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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