her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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