if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize