just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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