i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize