I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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