dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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