I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize