walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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