I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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