can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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