Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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