She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize