She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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