you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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