If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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