I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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