A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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