hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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