ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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