i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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