I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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