That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize