I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize