you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize