There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Someone shit on the floor
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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