Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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