why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize