i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize