M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize