I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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