she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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