How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize