i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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