he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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