i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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