the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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