The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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