I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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