Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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